The movies page

This page will list movies that I've seen recently, with short opinions. I'm no Roger Ebert, but I know what I like....

The movies

The Adventures of Rocky and Bullwinkle (July 3, 2000)
Rocky and Bullwinkle premiered in 1959, and was cancelled in 1964, 7 years before I was born. I've never actually seen the program. But I know about June Foray and Keith Scott (she's Rocky, he's Bullwinkle and The Narrator), and I know Jay Ward (creator of R&B, George of the Jungle and Dudley Do-Right). And I know, somehow, that this movie stays true to his characters and his nutty sense of humour. Robert De Niro (Robert De NIRO?!) is good as Fearless Leader (and kills in two scenes), Jason Alexander and Rene Russo are Boris and Natasha, and... well, Moose and Squirrel are Moose and Squirrel. Some of the cameos are forced (Whoopi Goldberg is especially painful), some inspired ("Yeah, and I'm John Goodman"). I'm torn on Piper Perabo; I want to like her because she's so earnest at playing Karen Sympathy, but I'm not sure I do. Overall, a fun, light, summer movie with a barrelful of bad puns (28). My biggest disappointment is that Bullwinkle doesn't get a chance to do "Hey Rocky, watch me pull a rabbit out of my hat!" (Did anyone reading this not complete that with "Aw, that trick never works!")

On being a snob...

"No one ever lost money underestimating the American public." --H.L. Mencken

I've recently been accused of being a "movie snob": if a movie is a big Hollywood blockbuster starring one of the $20-million men, I'm going to hate it. That's not true per se, but it's not a coincidence that it happens. (See the Non Sequitur comic strip above.) My beef is that 90% of these movies could be salvaged by applying a little logic and not treating the audience as idiots. I have a right to complain if I've wasted valuable time and paid good money to have my intelligence insulted.

Stargate (July 2, 2000)
Let's see... the robot disappeared without a trace and the gate shut down with no warning. What should we do? Let's send a team of soldiers through with no preparation, with a suicidally-depressed colonel to lead them... oh, and throw in an Egyptologist for good measure. After all, he did figure out what a bunch of constellations look like. Any movie that starts this badly isn't going to have a lot to offer, and this one doesn't. It's not a big stretch to believe the writers/producers/directors are the same clowns who brought us Independence Day (Jeff Goldblum's miracle Mac...), Godzilla (Toho's "guy in a rubber suit" monster looks more realistic) and Universal Soldier (the less said, the better).
Titan A.E. (July 1, 2000)
It's been a good run of movies lately. I think I have another candidate for the library in Titan A.E. (and I was positive I'd never be including a Drew Barrymore picture). But this turned out as good as the advance press suggested, and perhaps better. There's a standard twist that's dropped in from nowhere partway through, but that's the only weak link in an otherwise great movie. The whole thing works, thanks in no small part to clever writing by Ben Edlund (The Tick), John August (Go) and Joss Whedon (Buffy the Vampire Slayer), and incredible animation, both traditional and CG. Don Bluth's Dragon's Lair and Space Ace were revolutionary in the videogame world, and it's possible that Titan A.E. could do the same for animated movies. The voices are all performed by fairly big-name actors (Matt Damon, Bill Pullman, Janeane Garofalo), but none override the characters' personalities (like Kelsey Grammer did as Prospector Pete in Toy Story 2). For whatever reason, it hasn't been getting great box-office results ($16 million total, but only $3 million last week), so see it soon. Highly recommended.
Chicken Run (June 23, 2000)

"He's a chicken, I tell you--a giant chicken!" --Animaniacs

None of the characters in Chicken Run pretend to be human--they just act that way. Yes, they act that way. Nick Park has a gift for creating totally believable characters out of clay; after just a few minutes you forget that you're watching plasticine figures being moved around infinitesimally by a huge team of animators. The story borrows heavily from The Great Escape (although it's about 2.5 hours shorter... and the main characters are chickens...), so it's starting with excellent source material. Karey Kirkpatrick throws in a lot of cultural references and quotes along the way, but they're subtle enough (and performed with an English accent, for the most part) that you don't necessarily realize that what you've just heard came from somewhere else. (My favourite: "Look at the size of that thing.") And like the Wallace and Gromit trilogy, events simultaneously get more dire and sillier until, when they're resolved, you really care about what happens to the characters. A fun film that I wouldn't mind seeing again; I might even add it to my extremely selective video library for repeated enjoyment.

What do I know anyway...

"Those that can, do. Those that can't, criticize." Today's topic, class, is full disclosure. I've never taken a class on film, written a script, or done anything more dramatic than acting in a play in third grade. So why do I think I know anything about what makes a good movie? The short answer is, I don't. What I do know is that I've seen quite a few movies (but hardly "a lot"), that I've enjoyed many of them, that I've been disappointed more than a few times, and that I'm open to seeing just about anything that's out there (Steven Seagal movies excepted 8^).

The Lathe of Heaven (June 10, 2000)
This certainly isn't the movie I remembered. The same events happen, and the characters are the same, but it's not the movie I saw 20 years ago. That's not to say it's not good; it's a very good film (although the music and characterizations are a little dated), and a good adaptation of Ursula LeGuin's novel (which I must read again). The story is a science-fiction take on the genie in the lamp; Bruce Davison (who, strangely enough, will be appearing in X-Men as Senator Kelly, an anti-mutant activist) is very believable as George Orr, the bearer of an extraordinary gift: his dreams come true.
Shanghai Noon (June 3, 2000)
It takes a little while to get into it wholeheartedly, but this movie is really fun. It's probably the first Jackie Chan movie I've seen (admittedly not many) that would actually work as well without the martial arts. Owen Wilson is a Butch-and-Sundance kind of cowboy/train robber as Roy O'Bannon (and there's a payoff to that you won't see coming). Lucy Liu holds her own, the bad guys are appropriately villainous, and there's a good assortment of lesser, well-played characters. This one ain't high art, but it's a good western, a good action film, and a good comedy.
The Virgin Suicides (May 30, 2000)
I really had no idea about this film going in, other than interest in Sofia Coppola's directing debut (she also wrote the screenplay). In "Movie Critic" terms, I really liked it. It's got an American Beauty feel to it, especially in that you know from the first minute what's going to happen. It's the journey to that result that's interesting. Kirsten Dunst is excellent, and Kathleen Turner is... well, not the "Mrs. Robinson" Kathleen Turner currently playing in "The Graduate". (Has it really been 17 years since Michael Paré was in The Greatest American Hero?)

Another aside...

I like suspense movies and thrillers that are "fair" (cf. Murder By Death). The Sixth Sense is very fair: everything you need to figure out what's going on is there, hidden in plain sight. I'm not convinced that either The Spanish Prisoner or The Game is fair, but I enjoyed them all the same.

"Do I contradict myself? Very well then, I contradict myself. I am large, I contain multitudes." --Walt Whitman

The Spanish Prisoner (May 30, 2000)
There aren't many movies that make me say "What the hell?" even once, but this one had me doing exactly that several times. Any movie with Ricky Jay automatically goes up a notch, even though he's hardly in it, and Felicity Huffman is bang-on. There's sharp dialogue, performed in a way that will be offputting to some; I like the style, myself. (David Mamet wrote and directed.) And just what does Steve Martin think he's doing, acting so well in a non-comedy role? (Ed O'Neill, too!)
Superman (May 28, 2000)
Maybe a guilty pleasure, but I don't mind seeing this movie once every several years. And in letterbox with no ads, no less. Yes, I know you can't turn back time by spinning the Earth backwards... even if you're flying really fast... but I really don't care. So sue me.
Small Time Crooks (May 27, 2000)
What can I say--I like Woody Allen films, from Annie Hall to Everyone Says I Love You to Sleeper. (With one notable exception to date, What's Up, Tiger Lily?) Small Time Crooks is a fun little caper movie that doesn't go at all where you're thinking... but does, too. See it and you'll understand.

An aside...

Stadium seating is great. A curved screen doesn't make a lot of difference. Paying $11 for the privilege is excessive. Paying $22 to see the previous two movies was just stupid.

Mission Impossible 2 (May 24, 2000)
Ugh. The trailers made this look so cool. Unfortunately, they showed all of the good bits. (And there were a lot of good bits. It's all of the bad bits, like the first hour and the complete overuse of M:I's deux ex machina, that I can't get past.) I'm beginning to think people like my friend Dave have the right idea of going into "media avoidance" on blockbusters, just so they can go in "clean". Maybe not. In any case, I was the only one of the group I was with who wasn't completely blown away.
Gladiator (May 5, 2000)
"Maximus! Maximus! Maximus!" Enough already. Didn't do much for me. Russell Crowe is good, as usual (cf. L.A. Confidential and The Insider), but it's not enough. And I don't care what people say, the Colosseum looked fake.

Short takes

A couple of films I saw and enjoyed just before starting this page in earnest.

The movies I'm looking forward to

The movies you can't pay me to see

The links

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